Why does he not like me ?

Chances are that you are asking Why Does He Not Like Me about a specific boy. Unless that boy is me, or one of my closest friends, I am going to have a difficult time to answer a specific question like that. But I can give some general pointers of what works, and what definitely does not….

First of all, the chances are that you are attracted to this boy because of specific looks or character or some other specific reason. The first problem you face is that this specific source of your attraction does not mean that he will feel the same.

My point is this: You will know what it is that you like in this particular boy, or in boys in general. Likewise, there is go general law of attraction that works for any boy. You are going to have to figure out what he looks for in a girl. Although that may be daunting, at least the starting point is not all that bad – the good news is that he probably does not hate you either as I can assure you that most boys don’t think along those lines.

But the conclusion is the same – unless you read the Harry Potter books again and see if there was a spell you missed on how to make a boy like you – you basically are going to have to find out what he likes in a girl.

Here are some guidelines that may be useful:

Treat him as an individual

This is the golden rule. Do not try to solve a universal rule of attractiveness of why boys like girls. Attraction is crazy individual. If you wanted to google “why don’t boys like me” instead then you came to the wrong place. I cannot answer that question other than to guess that you probably don’t like yourself very much either.

So get to know HIM as best you can. Give him a sense that you are not trying to get all boys to like you. Just him. I am not saying that you overdo it, but if you are going to speak with him, then speak with him and be present.

And even if you think that he does not like you, I can pretty much assure that he will like you enough to talk with you. And tell you a little about himself if you ask him in a nice way. You would be surprised to know that good listening is crazy attractive.

Ask yourself – Do I really like him?

Yes, he may be cute. But once you get to know him a little better, do you genuinely like him? Does he react in a way that shows care or listening? Is there something to work with there?

Do not be over-sensitive

Some girls need to get over themselves a little bit. Do not try to read too much into each conversation and each action. Do not wallow in despair if things don’t work out and do not translate it into a general theory of your unattractiveness. Nothing is less attractive than desperation or neediness. So just relax and be cool.

Be who you are

This is the second golden rule. Be who YOU are.

As you get to know him better, then you might be tempted to adapt yourself to his perceived preferences. However, chances are that you are magnificent already,  and trying to change to fit someone else is probably not the way to go.

I would say that a girl who knows and does what she enjoys is much more attractive. And I suspect you are more likely to meet boys doing what you enjoy. So do not change your behaviour. Do not start playing a sport you do not like but he does. Do not start drinking large amounts to impress. Do not become who you are not with an aim to impress him or get his attention. It does not work for very long. Unfortunately, there is no shortcut, so don’t look for one.

Consider if there are general turn-offs for boys

Sometimes it might be time to spring clean your life. Have you gotten a little down and are not smiling much? Are you rotating between 2 t-shirts, or have you gotten unfit and very low-energy? Does your skin or hair need some more loving care? I think it is important to show that you are taking care of yourself…

I am not saying that you need to overdo it, but these are important signals that you like yourself….

Do not envy or emulate the girls who are super popular with the boys

It might feel like these girls are the ones with the secrets. But there is a price to pay also. The boys who they attract do not speak well of them. Things that come easy are usually not the most worthwhile.

And just remember…

If you work on the above and you are still asking yourself “why doesnt he like me?” then maybe you two just aren’t compatible. Maybe he has a girlfriend and you don’t know about it. Maybe he’s not looking for new friends. Each case is very individual and there is no point to over-analyse.

Just remember you are a wonderful person…